Today, I finished listening to the audio book “Oh Dear Sylvia” written and narrated by Dawn French.
The story line is focussed on Sylvia who has had an ‘accident’ falling from her balcony, and is now in a coma. Her family, housekeeper, and partner all come in to see her in Suite 5, and talk to her.
The storyline is touching, with the right amount of humour and the final chapter where all life support is withdrawn is approached tastefully and with a great respect. I sometimes think that comedians and comedy does death and dying with more success than dramas.
Well, all this got me thinking about what I would do if I was in the different character’s positions. What would I want if it was me?
That’s too big an issue to deal with in this blog tonight, I’m tired for a start and ready to head to bed because it has been one of those days! However, I do know that I need to have this conversation with my loved ones. What do they want if that situation ever occurred to them? No matter how hard that conversation might be to bring up or have, I think it’s really important that we face these issues and find out what our relative’s wishes are, what their expectations are for their care.
It’s not about saying we want them to die, but about saying we want them to continue to have dignity throughout any life limiting illness or life threatening condition. That when the time comes, and the medical teams broach that subject with us about withdrawing treatment we know what our loved one expects, and we can fulfil their one last request. As a child that may be hard, but ultimately isn’t that the ultimate in respect, being obedient for one last time?
The same thing applies to organ donation, maybe that’s an easier way of bring the subject up with the ones we love, and end-of-life care can be a continuation of that conversation.
It’s not just important to talk to our parents, but also to our children. I know nobody wants to think about their child dying before them, but accidents happen. Illness happens. Why make a heart breaking decision any harder, if you know what they want, how they feel, then there is no decision to make. Just total respect, and love for that person.
So, I’m going to head off to bed – and I’m going to have this conversation with my parents and my teenagers as soon as I can. That way, if and when it happens, the chaos will be slightly less and I will just be doing as I am told for one last time.
So thank you Dawn French, for a sensitive and dignified story that gives me a great way of starting the conversation with those I love.